sunshien: sunshien: do silkworms look at really beautiful silk dresses and stuff and puff out their little worm chests all proudly and think “i made that with my butt”
trumpetsandbookmarks: tomdiddleston: when i was in 8th grade i liked this boy so i pickpocketed him and stole his green day wallet and the next day i brought it back to him and i was like “omg i found this on the ground here u go” and we were friends from then on so basically the moral of the story is if u ever want someone to notice u commit a criminal act on them and u will be friends...
hommos: you know whats the funniest thing ever? when a fic says “PG-“ AS IF YOU ARE GOING TO READ HOMOSEXUAL FANFICTION WITH YOUR PARENTS “mom pass the popcorn, he’s giving him a blowjob” “HERE YOU GO SWEETHEART. OH MY GOD HE SWALLOWED”
blueisforscarvesandboxes: david-bui: do you ever just feel so awkward when you buy something and pay in cash and the cashier gives you the change back but you take a few seconds to put the money in your wallet and you can feel the world judging you from afar I’m glad it isn’t just me
chucksandjumpers: williamowainherondale: omg guess what i found out today that falling feeling when you wake up suddenly in bed is because when you were dropping off you heart rate slowed down too fast so your brain thought you were dying so it tried waking you up immediatly thank u brain~ No problem, boss.
roses-and-phantoms: i can imagine that this is the face of an employee at a thrift shop when white boys burst in singing macklemore
14 reasons people should stop hating leonardo... →
sherlockianacumberbabe: dimmitutto: sweetmoonbeam17: 1. He dances like this at parties 2. He can do this with his face 3. He quit smoking 3 years ago like a badass 4. He loves his family and mama a whole lot 5. He also fucking loves his dogs and animals in general classy as fuck 6. He uses his fame wisely. He is extremely devoted in animal, wildlife and human welfare...
watchtheskytonight: diannaluvslea: sillylittleshoteka: spontaneousfangasm: sovietkittens: if you go to hell for being bad why wouldn’t satan reward you for it why does he make you suffer wtf id be like hell yeah motherfucker you my nigga lets party i started to laugh and then i realized that this is actually a really valid question Alternatively, if Satan punishes sinners, why isn’t...
lil-bo-peeping: *walks up to hot person’s parents* my compliments to the chef
yiffmyass: nyeeeeaaaah: A list of things that do not offend people • • • • • why are all the dots black you fucking racist
hellsingdrug: smoothandwelldressed: idiosyncratic-dalek: sagarnaga: how wonderful is it that we laugh because our bodies cannot contain the joy Actually laughter is a biological response letting the other person know that you both are just playing and neither of you is a threat to the other. So actually laughter is your body’s way of saying to your friend “Please don’t kill me.” but...
zooeyclairedeschanel: “give me liberty or give me death!” only true 1770s kids will get this lol reblog if u miss the 18th century
knowforsures: nerraki: blastoises: im cracking up s o har d I saw the purple hair and I just knew OH MY GOD
primadonnas: SO I GET HOME AND THERE’S THIS RANDOM KID ON MY COUCH AND HE’S LIKE ‘ALRIGHT MAN I DON’T WANNA HURT U JUST PUT UR STUFF DOWN AND GET ON THE GROUND I JUST WANT UR MONEY’ AND I FUCKIN ALMOST PUKED I WAS LIKE “OMG PLS NO I DON’T HAVE ANY MONEY I’M ONLY 15” THEN HE WAS LIKE “NAH MAN I’M JUST FUCKIN WITH U I’M UR BROTHER’S FRIEND HE’S IN THE SHOWER I’M JUST WAITIN FOR HIM”